READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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