guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
