Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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