That's intense
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
