There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
