Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
