shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize