Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
