Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
