***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
