also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
