oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize