Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
