i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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