there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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