still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
