i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
