he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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