I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
