A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize