uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
