He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
