i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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