I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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