mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
