im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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