wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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