i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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