he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
