i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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