you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
