she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
