ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
