Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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