That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
