Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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