wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
