I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
