the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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