I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
