pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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