It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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