I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
