I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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