watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
