Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
