he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
