Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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