I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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