also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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