my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I want a musical about memes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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