He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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