Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm having to shit out rocks
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
