and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
