I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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