Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're so nebulous sometimes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
