Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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