Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
