meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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