Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
