I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
