too bad you live with your parents still
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
