Please, let me fuck your mom
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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