A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
