Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
