i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
