if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
