just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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